So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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