So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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