just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
