You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
