I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
