so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
