Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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