I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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