u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
