How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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