I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
