I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
