One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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