so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
