i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
