i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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