We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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