I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
