The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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