and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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