So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
