Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
