I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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