I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
