apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
