i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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