Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth

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(626): View more from California

a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms

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(773): View more from Illinois

My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.

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(949): View more from California

When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'

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(718): View more from New York

You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.

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(360): View more from Washington

tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse

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(716): View more from New York

I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.

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(914): View more from New York

I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT

(954): View more from Florida

I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.

(954): View more from Florida

SUPER ADULTS

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