PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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