Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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