I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
