I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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