haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
