I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
