so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
