Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
