I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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