toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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