it was like his penis was on wheels.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
