you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
