I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
