Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
