I'm gonna have a badass scar
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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