I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
