i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
