he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
