Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
