Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
