Do you still have your period?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize