I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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