i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
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I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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