A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
