If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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