worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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