i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
