Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
