She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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