Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
