brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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