I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.â€
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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