Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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