Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
