I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
