im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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