i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
