I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize